How to ask and receive Feedback

Feedback is the helpful information or criticism that an individual gives to another individual or group about their past actions or behaviors, who can use that information to adjust or improve future actions or behaviors.

So, if feedback is given properly and received well, there can only came good things from it. It gives a chance to look from another perspective at what you are doing. You have to think about the reasons of the other person to be giving feedback to you, you have to remember that if they are giving feedback to you, in principle they want you to improve whatever is the feedback about, so they are not doing it to hurt you but to help you. And even if you do not identify with the feedback that you are receiving, that means even if you don’t want to be like that, the other person is perceiving you like that. (DeFranzo, ND)

How to receive feedback

It is very important to receive feedback, because if you per example at work don’t are able to receive feedback, you will do the same mistakes over and over, and you will not realize them, and your colleagues are going to avoid working with you because of them and you are not going to be even aware of why they are avoiding to work with you.

After the other person has finished giving you feedback the first words out of your mouth should be thank you. Show gratitude and don’t get defensive, because feedback is a gift for the receiver and a risk for the giver because as they speak up, they are risking to damage your relationship and receive possible retaliation like harmful words and actions, so when they take that risk to give you feedback show them that you appreciate it.

Listen without judging, to good and bad feedback. Remain thankful, because that will show them that you really want honest feedback and that they shouldn’t be afraid of giving it to you.

Repeat what the person is saying to you. It can have a powerful effect on the conversation because when you repeat what the other person said you are making sure that you are getting the right things out of the conversation and giving reassurance to the other person that you are really listening. You can also use some of the tactics of active listening like showing that you are listening by nodding your head for example.

Write down what you are hearing. This tactic accomplishes three things. You don’t forget the feedback that you are receiving because you have it in a notebook. You show that you are really listening and taking their feedback seriously and it gives some silence time when you are writing the previous feedback down, where the person giving feedback many times remembers some extra thing to say to you that can be very helpful

After receiving the feedback when you figure out how to apply it, remember to share with whom gave you the feedback, how are you going to apply it. Then search for more feedback. Feedback isn’t a one time thing. You are constantly evolving and changing, and you always have things that you can improve. You are going to get better at receiving feedback with the practice of receiving it. So after sating to the person or group what will you be changing or adapting, try to schedule another meeting to see how the change is going. This will assure you that you get more feedback. Even if the first or second feedback are a bit difficult and hard to provoke change, it will get better with practice.  (Burkus, 2021)

How to ask for feedback

Feedback being so good to you and such a good opportunity to realize what have you being doing well and what could you improve, you should lock for it more. It is not enough to receive feedback one a year In your yearly review meeting. So you have to ask for it, also there are people who just give you superficial and positive feedback because they think that is what you want to hear and they are afraid to hurt the relationship that you have. So then is your responsibility to ask for feedback and ask it well.

When asking for feedback be clear that you want honest feedback, let them know that they are being helpful by being honest, you can say to them  “don’t be nice but be helpful”, and explain to them that you want to take the most from that conversation and that won’t be possible if they hold back.

Shift the focus from the past to the future. Don’t ask them what have you done wrong, but ask what can you do better in the future, then the conversation is more effective and people tend to be more honest when talking about what to improve instead of what went wrong.

Ask more in-depth. Ask multiple times giving the other person more chances, to be honest, and increasing the chances that they feel comfortable doing it. Also, it can be helpful to ask about some specific situations, so that they could go more in-depth in the feedback giving. (Bregman, 2014)

Conclusion

In conclusion, feedback is one of the best ways of provoking change in you and others, because it is the opportunity to tell your real opinions about the other person/persons actions and behaviors. Even when you don’t identify with the feedback that you are receiving, it means that you are not coming across as you think you are.

References

(DeFranzo, ND,5 reasons why feedback is important, Snap Surveys) 5 Reasons Why Feedback is Important (snapsurveys.com)

(Burkus, 2021, How to get better at receiving feedback, TED)  How to get better at receiving feedback  | (ted.com)

(Bregman, 2014, how to ask for feedback that will actually help you, Harvard business review )  How to Ask for Feedback That Will Actually Help You (hbr.org)