Now when I look some old notes from last spring they make me smile. Then things felt so big and overwhelming and now they are just small things that I can not even affect. Not now nor then I could affect them. Last spring I was the first business leader of the team. I wanted everything to be perfect. I wanted to do perfect but I knew the fact that I couldn’t  be perfect who knew it all. I only tried to do the best I could. 

Nowadays in our team we have a saying: ”take your head out of your ass”. Kind of brutal but it’s brutally honest and sometimes it’s good to say that. I had this kind of moment at this fall. It was bad but where it lead was the crucial for me. It kinda made me open my eyes. After that I think I can really finally face the last spring because before that I wasn’t sure when I would face the things from last spring in proper ways. I can be open about it to everyone else and at the same time I can be open and honest to me, to myself. The biggest doubter and the enemy was and always have been me. That moment led me to return to the spring and face me and and actions in good and also in not so good. Now I can say I’m some how proud what we did then. I can be a bit more understandable to myself and give some slack.

If someone asked what I would do different now. I would probably do many thing differently because now I know so much more, not because I have done something wrong. No. When I had my bl semester I had no experience at all being a leader. That just was something I have secretly wanted a while but I didn’t know then what it would really be. And as a result now I know what I want to learn in school and what I want to do when I grow up. So now I know to seek those moments, opportunities and put me out there. 

So yeah sometimes when we face those unkind, not so nice moments, we can try to find the beauty in it. See the light end of the tunnel. Or how the saying goes. What we can learn from ourselves or  from that moment?  I did not stayed alone, I asked help and I got it. I learned from moments when I talked about it and I got different points of view. When I shared my battles to my team I got their support and that was something that meant so much to me. So i want to thank my team for that. And after all they stand beside me. So thank you.